A work in progress

I have been thinking lately about how life changes people. How we grow. I keep thinking back on my family reunion. My sister in law and I sortof confessed that we'd had some childish misconceptions about each other that had hindered our relationship. We've always gotten along and I've always loved her, but this trip I couldn't have enjoyed her more. She was amazingly serving and selfless as well as very fun and easy to talk to. I feel like my eyes were opened to the incredible person she is and as a result I found a really meaningful friendship. I felt ashamed that I've been quick to judge in the past and slow to see the good.

She talked about how it's difficult to change how people have always seen you, even when you really have changed. I think that's especially true with family who have known you so well for so long. You're labeled and it's hard to break out of that.

Tonight my sisters came over and we watched some old family videos of our most annoying years. One sister was particularly worried that she somehow still seemed like the obnoxious 11 year old she once was (she doesn't). She's amazingly gorgeous and talented now, but I could tell that seeing herself as she once was made her feel embarrassed.

I watched myself at 12 and cringed at what I was. I kept getting right in front of the camera as my dad was filming someone else and pretending to be a news anchor. Ahhh! My annoying voice (hasn't changed much) and my huge eyebrows (those have, thank goodness) were reminding me of those horribley awkward years in Georgia...making the transition from homeschool to public, from girl to young woman.

Another video we stumbled on was of Kevin and I a month before we got married. I kept saying "way"...like "I was way nervous...it is just way fun..." I looked and sounded so young. Why did he marry me? We'll have been married 5 years soon. I feel so different from that 21 year old girl who was "way" excited to be getting married in the video. I didn't know I'd changed as much as I have.

I'm sure I'll look back someday at early posts in this blog and shake my head at the things I worried about or the way I said things, how much I thought I knew about life and motherhood.

But we are all works in progress, so I should be slow to judge or label and quick to appreciate progress as I see it in others and in myself. Just keep trying to be better.

...and forgive my brother Nick for locking me in my closet when I was little. It's been 20 years. He's grown up to be a wonderful father, a great brother, a brilliant lawyer who is generous and thoughtful...let it GO already.

and it's not as though it wasn't provoked. I was a brat and a tattle-tale, and there is video proof that I was crazy annoying...

but I forgive myself of that too...I just hope Nick can:)