My Austy is One

Dear Austin,

Today you turned one. You have been in my life (post birth) for a year now. I love you so much. It's funny to me how a mother can have four little boys so close in age and love each one so uniquely right from the start. My love for you is different than my love for Noah, and that love is different than my love for Taylor or for Jack. Of course it's mostly because you aren't all the same. But I think it also has something to do with the difference in my level of experience with each new baby. When you came, I feel like I really knew how to appreciate a baby and the anxiety was gone.

I felt like you and I have had a special club, because you always have strongly preferred me over anyone else in this world. You give me this look that says to me "you. only you can give me what I need." No one else, aside from your dad, had been able to form a close bond with you because you always want me. Your Aunts try to win you over, your grandmas work their tails off to get a smile, but you have eyes only for me. You'll shyly bury your head in my chest. You aren't a cranky baby by any means, you just love me. I feel like you have let me in on the secret of your sweet, happy personality, the brilliant workings of your little brain and I treasure that membership you've allowed me. As you are getting older, you are more open to the entertainment others offer, and while I love to see you growing, it's almost hard to see your little club expand. I do know that after all the hours you've spend by my side or on my hip, we'll always have something special.

You are so smart and I know it. You aren't saying much these days, but you are very aware of your surroundings and watch my mouth intently when I talk to you. You love your brothers and when we go in to tell them goodnight, you always become hilarious to them. You LOVE to make them laugh and you are energized when you have them as your audience. You kick and clap and "talk" and laugh, and they just eat it up, giggling at every grunt. You love it if I'll stand at the top of the stairs with you and your brothers will all come running up the stairs to you. You laugh and laugh at this game.

And speaking of stairs, you LOVE them. We pile 2 couch cushions on the bottom stair so you can 't get past, but if I ever forget, your up them in a flash. If I catch you in the act, you start booking it up those stairs, laughing all the way. If you ever make it to the top, you'll just stay there and call for me (make loud happy noises) until I come. I'll come racing after you and you'll laugh and crawl into your room as fast as you can. You're just so fun right now.

We've had a rough go, sleep wise. But now it's getting better, as it always does eventually. It's given us some extra bonding time, and you need that in a family like ours I think. Today after you took a bath I nursed you and you fell asleep. I just held you and it ached a bit to know that your nursing days are seriously numbered. I'm excited to see you grow and walk and talk, of course. But it is hard to let go. One year, and now your big.
Oh, Austy. I think one of the things I love most about you is the way you make me feel about myself as a mother. You adore me, and I adore you and it just feels so right. Something is very right in this whole messy, sleep deprived, somewhat chaotic process of raising a child from birth to one year. There are many years ahead, and they will be wonderful, but whatever comes after this, I know I've done right by you in year one.

And you've done so right by me.

I love you with all my heart.



  1. Happy birthday sweet boy!!!
    It's so sweet to read about your love for your boys, how you love each one with all you being but that each love is different. So special!- thanks for sharing :)
    And I think I know 5 boys who would totally agree with me- you are the best mom ever!!!
    (and wife- I counted Kev- I hope you have a sweet little Nat next ;) )

  2. This made me cry. It is a very sincere, sweet account of your love for your wonderful baby. That picture on your sidebar makes me want to squidge his cheeks! Happy birthday to Austin!

  3. Happy Birthday Austin! What a wonderful Mommy you have. Beautiful post!

  4. Loved your last sentance: " There are many years ahead, and they will be wonderful, but whatever comes after this, I know I've done right by you in year one." Love that mother-baby bond! Happy Birthday!

  5. This was so very beautiful Natalie. Happy Birthday to Austin!


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