back to myself

Do you ever get tired of hearing yourself talk?  I do.  I don't really like my last post, or the person that I was this past weekend for that matter.  I was SO tired, and everything was hard, and I felt sorry for myself.  While that is how I was feeling, it isn't exactly flattering.  Kevin was in the hospital with a brutal virus and dehydrated and I was feeling sorry for me. I was just SO tired.  I can't emphasize this enough.  

I was really disappointed about the trip.  I'm not sure if we'll be able to go before June now and I'd worked hard to get everything ready.  I was excited for a little rejuvination and I put a lot of eggs in that Washington basket, expeting everything to be better (as it usually is) after the trip.  It has been harder to rally my spirits.

My neighbor let me vent on Friday.  I showed up on her doorstep after we got a flat tire on our way to see Kevin in the hospital (!!!).  She was a perfect friend, just listening and sympathizing as my children played with hers.  I came home feeling a bit better.  She showed up on my doorstep that afternoon with dinner, and her husband changed our tire and returned the van to our driveway (!!!).  So nice.  SO NICE.  I can't tell you how much that meant to me this weekend.  

We spent part of our Saturday looking for a good used dishwasher, as ours just stopped living. (yes, it was quite the weekend) We don't have one yet, but I've actually found I sort of like the soothing chore of washing dishes.  Not enough to go without one for long, but enough until we find what we want.

Sunday was a good day.  We stayed home, listened to some of general conference again, and just worked on getting better.  It was good for everyone and by the afternoon Kevin was feeling much better. My sisters came for dinner.  We all laughed a lot, and that was especially good for me.

A visit from my cousin yesterday did my heart a lot of good as well.  We haven't seen eachother in a long time and now we have seven children between us.  We talked of motherly things mostly, my mom's blog, her impending move to Africa, and just life.  I wish she lived close by, but I fear that will never be the case.  She will be in Africa for 2 years, then moving to random places around the globe every 2 years as long as her husband had this job.  I'm excited for her, what a future! I got to hold her sweet baby Natalie Jill (I won't flatter myself into thinking she was really named after me) and she was the most perfect little girl.  Oh, it made me long for a girl.  They're just different little creatures.  Brooke, who has two older boys, assured me that it is different and that there is something unique about caring for a girl and knowing that she will one day be caring for babies of her own.  Mmmm.  I want one.  Her boys were just warming up to mine when the time came for them to leave.  It was over too soon and I'll miss that sweet little family.

And today I feel back to normal.  Happy about how life is going, grateful for all that I have.  Ah, it's good to be back.         


  1. A very sick husband, a flat tire (on the way home to the hospital no less), and a broken dishwasher, 4 little boys whose needs never stop, would be enough to put anyone over the edge...would be more than enough to make anyone TIRED. (The broken dishwasher alone would be reason for me to feel sorry for myself!)
    Thanks for posting today. I was really wondering how you all were and I feared you had come down with that wicked virus too.

  2. Natalie, everyone has bad days, weekends and weeks. It's what we do with our disappointments and challenges that makes us stronger. You are a WONDERFUL person. I'm grateful to read your blog today. It reminds me that I need to ask for forgiveness for all the things that I do imperfectly.

    You are wonderful and I'm glad you feel back to your fantastic self :)

    I'm glad Kevin is on the mend! That sounds awful!

  3. Natalie, it's great to read you again. You are refreshing, even if you claim you aren't at your best. I'm glad you're feeling good again.

  4. MAN, the tire went flat too?
    I'm so glad you had a nice neighbor to help out.

  5. Don't worry Natalie, we can't all be super chipper all the time - you're human! I think you've handled everything really well. I can't believe all the things you had happen to you and your family last week! It sounds like you have great support though and a good attitude. :) I'm glad you're back to blogging, I missed you while you were gone!

  6. Good heavens! Could anything else have gone wrong over your weekend?? What a mess!!

    I'm glad you got to visit with Brooke! I get to see her today, too! What a treat! Someday, I hope I can meet you too! We'll have to work on that. =)

  7. I totally know what you mean when you say you get sick of hearing yourself talk. I sometimes just wish I could get away from myself. :)

    But for the record I liked both last post and this one. I think sometimes it's good we record how we feel on our bad days, so that we can see how much better we are and how far we've come on the more normal ones. And so our kids can see, hey she was feeling bummed and snapped out of it. I can too.

    Sometimes I worry that I only record the happy moments, without admitting the grumpy ones, which I feel creates a false record.
    That's why I made this entry last year.

    I like your honesty. That's why I have come back to your blog. You are like many of us--a mostly happy person, trying her best, mostly succeeding.

    And I CAN'T believe your dishwasher broke the same weekend. Though I know what you mean about it being soothing...probably only when the boys are asleep, right? ;)

  8. What a weekend you had! I think some good karma is bound to find you this weekend :)
    (ps- I want one too...how do we fix that?)

  9. natalie jill...is there a more perfect name out there? i think not :) ha!

    how are ya? it's been a while stranger!


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