welcome to the inside of my head

This past month has been odd to me.  On one hand, I've been feeling quite awful.  My fuzzy, pregnant, tired, hormonal head has been frustrating.  When I was pregnant with Austin, I honestly felt like I was going crazy some days.  I determined to have that not be the case this time, and managed to get through a big chunk of time without feeling very different.  Then things just got harder, as they just do sometimes.  I forgot that sleep really is essential for sanity during pregnancy and was getting to bed really late, then waking up in the night with a teething Austy.  My days started out tired, and that is not a good place to start.  I was confused by some of Taylor's behavior and felt helpless.  I was getting chubbier by the day.  I got into a slump and a string of hard days ensued.  I tried to get motivated, but  I just wasn't feeling it at all.  Keeping my head above water became my focus. Not the happiest of times. But...

Even during the tired days, the weather has been beautiful and my boys provided me with more moments of satisfaction than moments of frustration.  I've had an awareness that the cloud following  me around was just mine, and that outside of it my life was actually really great and the people surrounding me were the best one could ask for.  Kevin was being eternally patient and the boys were content to meet me where I was (usually laying on the couch).  The good is abundant in my life, and even in my less than cheerful state, I could see that and knew it would only be a matter of time...even if that amount of time added up to the remaining 3.5 months of my pregnancy.

Fortunately, it didn't last that long.  After a few bad weeks, I feel back to myself.  One can only live my life for so long before the happiness inevitably creeps back in and takes over I think.  I'd be happier if I could upload pictures on this computer, that is still depressing...but for now, my dishwasher is cleaning my dishes, my washer is scrubbing our much neglected laundry and my counter is full of fruit.

and that is enough for me.


  1. Smiling and nodding, here...clean dishes, clean clothes, and fresh fruit. Definitely a happy combination! I am so glad things are happy for you!

  2. I like this post - it's very honest! It sounds like you have a good perspective. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well (and quickly)! :)

  3. hurrah for feeling better! I hate the fuzzy head, makes me feel so inadequate. I can't wait to "meet" your new little man when he comes :) Glad he's taking it easy on you now and that your other men are taking good care of you too. You are going to make sure the world has at least 5 good men out there and I am so grateful for that fact!

  4. Even though it's thrilling sometimes being pregnant just makes everything seem much more daunting (at least to me).

    January's right around the corner, though! *gulp!*


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