To Noah on your 2nd birthday

My Dear Little Noah,

In an hour it will be your birthday. I remember this night 2 years ago very well, it was horrible. I was having contractions 2 minutes apart and was dilated to a 4.5, but my doctor was not the one on call and the man who made the decision told them to give me a shot of morphine and send me home. I felt exhausted and deflated and so mad and loopy. I went home and layed on the couch and cried, and then I was off to dreamland.

I was scheduled to be induced the following morning, so I knew there wasn't much time left to wait for you. I've never been so ready to have a baby as I was to have you.

Within an hour of having my water broken and a pitocin drip, you were born. 2 pushes and there you were. Oh, I fell for you! You had this dimple I could see instantly, this perfect little face. Oh, Noah, I was so smitten. In case you can't tell, that hasn't gone away.

You have a way of getting under people's skin. You are charismatic and charming, and just a little aloof. Your nursery teacher said of you last week "I like Noah. I don't know why, but I like him." You are just hard enough to win over that when you do let someone in they feel lucky and special and love you all the more for it.

I feel particularly lucky, knowing that your heart belongs to me. You have stayed smaller longer than your older brothers have and I like that about you. I like how you are still pretty easy to carry around, and that you love to be in my arms.You are so smart and you always have been. You have this awareness and you are not to be fooled. You can always sense if I'm going to leave (maybe because I actually get dressed and do my hair for a change) and you follow me around, thwarting my efforts to distract you and sneak out. You pick up on things easily and love to read with me. You have always loved books.

I will forever cherish my memories of you and I in that orange chair we have in your room. My pregnant tummy requiring that you sit off to the side a bit as we read every word in "baby's 100 first words." Each night you would run to the chair, so excited for this part of our nightly ritual. I savored those moments, knowing that soon another boy would be requiring my attention. And it is as I feared, and our nighttime ritual has been pared down to make time for other things. I really should wait for morning to type this letter...I shouldn't think about anything too much after 11. This lump in my throat is evidence of my deep love for you. I can only pray you feel it.

You are so dear to me, little boy. You make my heart swell with joy on a daily basis.

You are an entertainer and constantly get your older brothers giggling at the table or at play by just being silly. You love this, this ability you have to make them laugh. I love to see it. You are just getting old enough to really join in their play.

You are thoughtful and helpful. You run to the aid of a brother stranded on his trike at the bottom of the driveway, you push him to the top, smiling all the way. You are the first to join me in my effort to clean up toys and love to help with dinner. You cry if I ask you to get me something and an older brother gets there first. If Austin is crying you come tell me "Au'in fwyin" again and again and give him his binky if you can find it.
You are so sweet and fun, and wouldn't you know it...Austin is crying and I need to go feed him now. I hope you will always know that doesn't mean I love you any less...I just have a little less time to tell you about it.

I love you so,

Mom