my untidy little post

It seems health has returned to our sick house and I'm grateful. Only 2 little coughs remain.

I'm sleep-deprived, but mostly back on top and am determined to clean, clean, clean. I have a friend (such a cute girl!) who, according to her profile, loves to keep things tidy. I think about that a lot, more than she ever thought anyone would ponder it, I'm sure. I just wish I could say I'm a tidy person. I'm not really. While I love the feel of a clean house, I'm not great at keeping it that way. I don't live in squalor, but if I were to say that I like to keep things tidy, I'd feel very awkward if anyone who reads this were to come to my door unannounced. I do LIKE to keep things tidy, I just don't do a great job most of the time.

I loved this post by my mom this morning. My laundry is what has been overwhelming me lately, and since reading that I've completed 4 of the 6 loads I need to get done. Yeah. (as I typed that I absentmindedly said "yee-uh" and Jack, who was standing beside me asked "what's yee-uh mean, mom?" I talk to myself when I type, just so you know). And I spent the morning cleaning my room, and this afternoon I cleaned the boys room, cleaned Noah's old room and got the crib all set up for Austin in there, cleaned and vacummed the main level...When Kevin got home he was convinced something was bothering me because I just kept cleaning and wasn't talking much. I'm not sure how to describe it, I was just in a zone--surviving the afternoon crankiness of everyone but Jack and cleaning like a mad woman. Not really mad, though. Just focused. I've needed a really focused day for a while now and when I woke up feeling well I was anxious to get going. That post and my new obsession with wanting to be "tidy" spurred me on all day.

Last year I vowed to write in my journal every day. I did it for almost 2 months straight, then never again. It's been really interesting to read "a year ago today" every night with Kevin. Some things are just the same: cleaning, boys, laundry, my love for Kevin. I do see growth in myself though and I wish I had kept it up more diligently, or at all I guess. It's proof that all these days are adding up to something, changing me in good ways mostly, shaping my boys in ways I can't detect in my daily observations.

On the negative side, Taylor has been potty training for way too long. It's been very off again/on again. When he has an accident Jack will point out "Taywor is NOT on the potty train, mom." Indeed he is not. First he just wasn't ready, now I think it is more a lack of structure on my part. Any suggestions? Hopefully a year from now I'll read this and barely remember what a struggle it has been.

My sisters joined us for Sunday dinner last night, each with a date. They are cute and nice and all things good. Marlee was on a blind date with a guy Kristen set her up with. Kristen came with a friend. Mikelle came with her boyfriend Clark, who I love, and she loves. They sat there and held hands and gazed at eachother and talked and laughed quietly together, as a louder group conversation swirled all around them. They seemed oblivious. Ah, young love.

(mikelle & clark)

But as I sat there with Kevin, I was glad we're past that phase. I love that after 5+ years of marriage all the walls are down and he still loves me. Things are looking up for him at work and he's really excited for this year. I so admire his optimism. Really. He's smart, honest, hard-working and chipper and I feel really lucky to be his wife. And he got me a blackberry, let's not forget that part.

And these are all the things that have been in my head. And I can't think of a clever way to tie them all together into a tidy little post. But there you have it, I'm just all over the place.