I really love my life as a mother. I do. I don't really think very deeply in my life these days. I feel like before I got married and started having children I had lots of time to think about things, about what I wanted, or what I was doing, analyzing myself and situations and others. Now I rarely take the time to delve deep and figure out what I really think or feel about things. It's just not high on my priority list.
I don't really take the time to think about myself, my personal fulfillment, who I am, or why I am that way. If I do begin to think about it, I get confused and it feels unnatural. By that I mean I can't really definitively say THIS is who I am, because it seems I'm always in transition. I feel myself learning, scraps of enlightenment find their way in from time to time in the midst of everything else I'm doing. Experience teaches me things I didn't know before. I'll read something and it will ring true and stick. And I change without realizing it.
Anyway, last night, in an effort to put into words some of who I am, I decided to write down some things I've learned as a mother so far. They're nothing new and the list isn't complete, but here are the things that rambled on to the paper of my notebook last night:
I have learned that time goes by too quickly.
That my only regrets that matter these days are the ones that have to do with how I mistreated the ones I love.
That kids are forgiving and parenthood is refining if I allow it to be.
I've learned that I can choose to be happy or make life harder by choosing to be sad/frustrated.
I've learned it's comfortable to lose myself in motherhood if I just let it happen, and the person
that begins to emerge is better than the one I lost.
I've learned that my heart has an unlimited capacity to love my children.
I've learned it's really important to be compassionate.
I've learned that anger doesn't teach my kids what I want them to know.
I've also learned that some days are really, really hard. But that's okay. That's just part of it.
That's all I've got. I'd love to hear some of the things you're learning in your lives, if you feel like sharing.
Have a wonderful weekend. We have a babysitter lined up for tonight and I am HUNGRY. So I'm excited.
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I like #5 the best! We do lose ourselves in mothering, but the one we find IS better. Why do so many women not get that?
ReplyDeleteNatalie, this is what I needed to hear today. This applies to everyone, in many stages of life, so I appreciate it very much. I felt my heart lighten a bit, and a few knots loosen as I thought to myself about a few of those gems. You're so great. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteYou are going to be one seriously wise old lady, if you've got this much already. I resound with many of the points you made too...you're awesome Natalie!
ReplyDeleteI'm learning to be more assertive and decisive. It's a loooong process ;) But since I've been home with the boys, I've learned that I like who I am, all of me- even the parts that make me late or forgetful or messy, even if my hubby and my boys are the only other ones who like me too and that I'm more than ok with that.
ReplyDeleteI loved all of these realizations you've learned. You are wise beyond your years!
ReplyDeleteSo...where did you go out to eat?
ReplyDelete